I know that some people blog to get they're opinions out and actually take blogging very seriously, but I'm going to use this to take out some pain and frustration.
About 5 months ago we found out we were having a baby. We'd been married for just a little over a year and were a little scared. Both of us being so young and being in California so far from both of our families. We knew it would be hard and scary, but we were excited to get our family started. In August we found out we were having a little girl. My husband was so excited to be having a daddy's little girl. We decided we would name her in memory of my mother. We were already in love.
Our baby girl was an active one, always kicking and moving. She would tease her father and stay still when ever he would try and feel. However, a week before my third trimester I realized I hadn't felt her kick in a couple days.
We went to the hospital and got her heart monitored, praying they would tell me I was being paranoid and crazy. Unfortunately, my prayers were not answered. The nurses got a doppler to try and hear her heart beat, and still nothing. They then just took me to my own room and said I was getting an Ultrasound and that the doctor was coming.
During the Ultrasound, I saw my baby girls little head and body and in her little chest I didn't see a flickering heart beat. The nurses didn't say anything, but we already knew.
Our doctor came and said I needed to be induced. It was a Monday and we knew we wouldn't be able to handle it that day and just in case they were wrong, I wanted no mistakes. We decided Friday morning was going to be the day.
That night we held each other and cried. His mother was flying in the next day to be with us and I know we wouldn't have been as strong without her. Before we knew it, Friday morning was upon us and even though I knew it would be one of the hardest days of my life, I was at least happy to see her beautiful face.
My sister flew in friday afternoon to be with us as well. After over twelve hours of labor I delivered the most beautiful girl in the world. She was 26 weeks, 14 inches and 1lb 11oz. She had a head full of hair already and the most beautiful little lips I've ever seen on a baby. Her hands and feet were tiny and perfect and she had her daddy's knobby knees. She was absolutely perfect and even with everything else painful I've been through in my life, this was the first time in my life I realized I'd ever felt true heart break. Who knew it would've been from a little girl?
I knew going into her room would be hard but I knew I wanted to see it. I held her clothes and just cried. At only 21 years old I know my life has been changed forever. My baby girl is now with lots of family and loved ones, especially her grandmother who we named her after.
I love you Linda Marie, you will never be forgotten and will always be in Mommy and Daddy's heart.
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